if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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