I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
