next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
