Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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