mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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