Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.