You're earring is so big in my mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Randomize
