his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
