i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.