We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.