I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry