I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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