i just google imaged poop.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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