my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dear god my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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