You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
