hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
