i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
