My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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