Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
