sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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