I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
