i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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