Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When did we convert life to cartoon?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
