it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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