why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
