He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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