Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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