Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
