can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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