You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
