Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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