my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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