My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
