I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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