We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
