You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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