i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's the barista slut.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
