Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
