Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
