Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
