Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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