I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
