I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
