I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
