Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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