Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
