Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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