I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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