Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
