Can i not drive my cunt home
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize