tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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