put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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