We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
