I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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