do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
