You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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