Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
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