then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
