whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh god it's open bar.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
