Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
