You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
