Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
