I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
