thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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