She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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