my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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