I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
