sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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