fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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