he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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