i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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