Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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