Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
