evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
