I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
