We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
