Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
