he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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