After last night, I could never be a politician.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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