Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
