I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
