it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize