Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
