Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
