spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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