I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
