These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
